Sunday, January 11, 2015

A mighty change.......

Six months ago, I had had enough.  My back hurt so bad that day I could hardly function.  I was miserable.  I rolled out of bed the next morning, on to the floor, and just thought I would try some simple stretches and core strengthening exercises.  That day, I was so so so much better than the day before.  I KNEW I had to keep this up, or become totally incapacitated. 


I started walking on the treadmill.  I could only walk for 20 minutes, at 2.5 miles per hour before my back would hurt too much.  But I kept it up, day after day, because my back would actually feel better afterwards and throughout the day.  Now I walk 2 miles every day.  It takes me 40 minutes, and I watch an episode of Blue Bloods on Netflix while walking.


I pulled out the zone/block eating plan that Landon had given me MONTHS before, in an effort to help me get a hold of my eating.  I had looked at it before, and I thought it was just another Weight Watcher point counting thing, that I would hate.  I started one night for dinner, just pulling out what I had at my house and in my fridge.  I. AM. HOOKED.   This has worked for me !  I don't know if everyone can embrace it like I have, but for me, it has worked.  Combining my proteins, carbs, and fats at each and every meal and snack has totally and completely cured me of my cravings.  That, AND giving up pop and refined sugar. 


The first weeks were rough, but I have persevered.  From the beginning, I just kept telling myself.  I will do this for SIX MONTHS.  I will not weigh at all during that time, and I will just keep going, and not give up, and not cheat, and not fall of the band wagon.  If after six months it hasn't helped me?, then I'll give up or try something else...


One month down, two months down......  Each month (or week), I'd have to tell myself, "it's only been X amount of weeks, hang in there".  Cam came at the end of July, I kept on going, Roger had his operation end of August, I kept on going, we went to Disneyland in September, I kept on going, October we went to Las Vegas, I kept on going, November we went to the Philippines, I kept on going, Thanksgiving and Christmas came, and I kept on going.............


Finally -  It's been six months - FINALLY!


I got on the scales this morning.


WAIT


Before we get to all of that, I just want to say that almost immediately (after I got rid of the Pepsi headache, and the sugar cravings), I began to feel better, stronger.  No more headaches, no more heartburn, no more bloated feeling, no more cravings. I. FEEL. SO. MUCH. BETTER.  Sugar is an inflammatory, and I believe it contributes to my back pain.  I tell myself, "You are allergic to sugar".


It didn't take me long to realize that if I missed a morning of walking or stretching, I would pay for it with increased back pain.


Is my back pain gone?  No.  But it does not control me, I control IT.  I still have my bad back days, and my not so bad back days.  I think I will have to live with the pain for the rest of my life unfortunately.   I was bemoaning this fact one morning, as I was stretching on a bad day, and then a still small voice spoke in my mind.  "Would I be where I am now without the back pain spurring me on?"  "Would I still be stuck in the rut that I've been in for the last 26 years?" 


Maybe my back pain has been a blessing in disguise. (FYI - I don't think this on my really bad back days ;)


Anywhoo.......


As I step on the scales, does it matter if I've lost 10 - 15- 20 or more pounds?  What is that stupid number anyway?  I know I've lost inches.  I've gone from a size 20 pant, to a size 14.  People have made comments.... say I look good, say I must have lost weight...... but still, there is that NUMBER.  What will it be?


If it is THIS number, I'll be sad.....if it is THIS number, I'll be satisfied, if it is THIS number, I'll be ecstatic !

As I stood on the scales this morning, I was so nervous to look down.  I kept thinking in my head, "Don't be disappointed, don't be disppointed, don't be disppointed"

I looked down - the scales MUST be broken.....there is no number

I step off - a number pops up !   That CAN'T be right !!

I step back on - look....down   It is blank.

Step off - the same number pops up !

I do this 4 times.  Same number.

I'm too embarrassed to put the ACTUAL WEIGHT here for all to see.......but I WILL put the number of pounds I have shed.

60 POUNDS


I am ONE HAPPY WOMAN !!  I would have bet a million dollars AGAINST me at the start of this journey.  I have fallen off that hateful wagon so many times before, and had absolutely NO confidence that THIS TIME would actually work. BUT. IT. DID.

Now, on to the NEXT GOAL !   I will keep on doing what I'm doing as far as stretching and walking on the treadmill.  I am going to start incorporating  Crossfit.   I won't weigh again until July - another SIX MONTHS from now.  Time will only tell.

Best of all - I'm so much happier than I was.  I had about given up on ever getting to this point, and the first little while, I couldn't bring myself to believe that it could happen, or that I would keep it up. Any day, I was expecting to fall off the wagon.

Can I keep it up?  I'm beginning to believe I can.........  Any long lasting change, has got to be part of a change you are willing to make for the rest of your life.  I think this is doable for me.   I guess we'll see what happens !?

I need to thank Roger D. for always being there for me, never nagging, judging or criticizing me, EVER.  Also, to Landon for giving me this eating plan.  I never would have known about it if it wasn't for him.  And Manda, where would I be without our morning talks?  Your encouragement and love for me I will treasure always.  And Zachary - you don't say much.  You are quiet like your dad, but I think you are proud of me too.  Just think - the more "fit" I am, the more I can help you out on all of the "projects", right?

July 2014
January 2015

3 comments:

Carol Brooks said...

Gwen!!!! Look at you go. What a great accomplishment. It takes so much will power and courage to be so dedicated and work so hard. So proud of you. Your one hot looking Grandma. Hugs

kc said...

YAY for you!! Loved this post!Never ever give up ; )

joni said...

Gwen, you are awesome! You look fantastic, but more important you look happy!

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