After viewing pictures of me in the swimming pool with Camryn this past weekend, I think I could qualify for this job. I'll be posting pictures soon - of Cam, not me :)
“If we keep no diary [journal], the path crumbles away behind us as our feet leave it; and days gone by are but little more than a blank, broken by a few distorted shadows. Life is all confined within the limits of to-day….”
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A good wife can bring balance to your life..........
After viewing pictures of me in the swimming pool with Camryn this past weekend, I think I could qualify for this job. I'll be posting pictures soon - of Cam, not me :)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
No Stress !!
Today was National Stress Awareness Day, and the employees (the crazy ones) took it to a new level at the Courthouse. We dressed in our pajamas, had cold cereal for breakfast in the foyer, and prizes were awarded for the "best dressed"............ Some crazy lady won first place :) She shall remain nameless.......... If you want to check out more pics, click here or here.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Someone help me pull my FOOT out of my MOUTH - Please !
So, I'm sitting at Amie's (my hairdresser), waiting my turn. I recognize the woman in the chair, it's the (Insert last name here) lady. They are talking about new babies, and names, etc. etc. The name Nora comes up, which I personally would not choose.......but like all of the "older" names, i.e. Hannah, Olivia, Maisie, has come back in vogue.
I say to the woman {SOMEONE STOP ME NOW}, "Can you IMAGINE someone OUR age, having a name like NORA when WE were in school? THAT would have been a death sentence!"
There was an UNCOMFORTABLE pause.......... my hairdresser looks stricken..........I'm thinking, "What the heck did I say?" I start wracking my brain........what was her name? Something......... (insert last name here)?? Something (insert last name here)...............??? OH - ya, right......... NORMA!
Please, someone get a crowbar......it doesn't get much worse than that :0
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
BYU Education Week - Part 2
1. When Brother Flake was a Mission President, his wife would inspect the missionary’s apartments. One bedroom she came out of, with an astounded look on her face…… She said, “I don’t know whether to vacuum or roto-till !”
2. There was also a sign on the missionary’s fridge which said……. “If you eat HERE, you will NEVER LIVE to regret it” - Huh?
3. Once the whole mission zone traveled to a city that was some distance away. They took four buses, and put a sign on each bus to “name” it. The names were Ammon, Aaron, Omner and Himni. The President also took along a van, and if the missionaries got too “rowdy” – they had to ride in the van. The name on the outside of the van? “Laman and “Lemuel”.
4. During Brother Flake’s tenure as Mission President, they lived next door to a Baptist minister. They also happened to have a big swimming pool in their backyard. Two funny stories: The missionaries would THROW the Flake’s children in the pool – and said they (the missionaries) were going swimming, “vicariously”. Also, one of the Flake children asked the minister next door, if he wanted to come over and go swimming in their GIANT baptismal font - he was NOT impressed.
5. Kids say the darndest things: “Please bless my brother, who is in the Empty Ocean” (MTC)
6. Brother Flake also taught for some time, a class at BYU called Mormonism 101. This was for non-members, who wanted to understand what our church believes, etc. Some of the questions answered on a test: What is the name of the place where Christ atoned for our sins? “The Garden of Yosemite” What is the name of the Mormon's health code? “The Doctrine of Wellness”, What type of marriage is important to Mormons? “Internal Marriage” What is the name of one of the “higher” priesthood? “Moronic Priesthood”, What is Fast and Testimony Meeting? “A meeting that makes you cry, even if you aren’t a Mormon”
7. Years ago, Elder Jeffrey Holland, who was studying at Yale, stood to stretch his legs after a long session in the Yale Library. He sauntered over to the librarian, leaned across the counter, and asked her if she happened to have a book, that was…. translated from golden plates, which had been buried in the earth for over 1500 years, and were found by a young man, because an angel and told him where to look……. The librarian, with an incredulous look on her face, exclaimed that she had NEVER heard of such a book, but if there ever WAS such a book, she would certainly like to read it. Elder Holland then smiled, and asked her to show him where “The Book of Mormon” was located in the library.
8. Elder LeGrand Richards, was quite “bold” – when he would board an airplane in Salt Lake City, he would stand at the front of the aisle, and ask every member of the church to raise their hand. He would then say to the others, “The person sitting next to you is Mormon, and they would LOVE to tell you about our church”. When asked by someone at a later date, if he was afraid of offending someone, he said that he would rather take the SLIM chance of offending someone by asking if they would like to hear more about our church, than the ABSOLUTE chance of offending God, by NOT ASKING.
9. When Elder Flake was in the mission field, he was one time paired with Elder Looney as his companion. Can you just picture the introductions?
2. There was also a sign on the missionary’s fridge which said……. “If you eat HERE, you will NEVER LIVE to regret it” - Huh?
3. Once the whole mission zone traveled to a city that was some distance away. They took four buses, and put a sign on each bus to “name” it. The names were Ammon, Aaron, Omner and Himni. The President also took along a van, and if the missionaries got too “rowdy” – they had to ride in the van. The name on the outside of the van? “Laman and “Lemuel”.
4. During Brother Flake’s tenure as Mission President, they lived next door to a Baptist minister. They also happened to have a big swimming pool in their backyard. Two funny stories: The missionaries would THROW the Flake’s children in the pool – and said they (the missionaries) were going swimming, “vicariously”. Also, one of the Flake children asked the minister next door, if he wanted to come over and go swimming in their GIANT baptismal font - he was NOT impressed.
5. Kids say the darndest things: “Please bless my brother, who is in the Empty Ocean” (MTC)
6. Brother Flake also taught for some time, a class at BYU called Mormonism 101. This was for non-members, who wanted to understand what our church believes, etc. Some of the questions answered on a test: What is the name of the place where Christ atoned for our sins? “The Garden of Yosemite” What is the name of the Mormon's health code? “The Doctrine of Wellness”, What type of marriage is important to Mormons? “Internal Marriage” What is the name of one of the “higher” priesthood? “Moronic Priesthood”, What is Fast and Testimony Meeting? “A meeting that makes you cry, even if you aren’t a Mormon”
7. Years ago, Elder Jeffrey Holland, who was studying at Yale, stood to stretch his legs after a long session in the Yale Library. He sauntered over to the librarian, leaned across the counter, and asked her if she happened to have a book, that was…. translated from golden plates, which had been buried in the earth for over 1500 years, and were found by a young man, because an angel and told him where to look……. The librarian, with an incredulous look on her face, exclaimed that she had NEVER heard of such a book, but if there ever WAS such a book, she would certainly like to read it. Elder Holland then smiled, and asked her to show him where “The Book of Mormon” was located in the library.
8. Elder LeGrand Richards, was quite “bold” – when he would board an airplane in Salt Lake City, he would stand at the front of the aisle, and ask every member of the church to raise their hand. He would then say to the others, “The person sitting next to you is Mormon, and they would LOVE to tell you about our church”. When asked by someone at a later date, if he was afraid of offending someone, he said that he would rather take the SLIM chance of offending someone by asking if they would like to hear more about our church, than the ABSOLUTE chance of offending God, by NOT ASKING.
9. When Elder Flake was in the mission field, he was one time paired with Elder Looney as his companion. Can you just picture the introductions?
Friday, August 22, 2008
BYU Education Week - Part 1
On Thursday, Bonnie Peterson (Elder Dallin Peterson's mom) and I traveled down to Provo to meet Elder Woolf's parents. All of our boys are serving in Peru Lima North. Before we met with them, Bonnie and I attended a couple of classes.
The first one was taught by Lawrence Flake, and it was about HUMOR. Here are some of the notes I took.
1. Whenever President Faust blessed a baby, he always prayed for the baby to grow up with a sense of humor.
2. Elder Neal Maxwell once said, that all of the prophets he had ever known personally, had a sense of humor.
3. Elder Packer, told of the last time that Elder David B. Haight and Elder Neal Maxwell attended a meeting of the Quorum of 12 apostles. They both had walking canes, and started a "duel" with each other. He said that fortunately the brethren were able to "break it up" before any blood was shed. (TOO FUNNY)
4. Elder Neal Maxwell's wife once had this to say about Elder Maxwell, who was well known for his use of the English language: "Neal had to ask me 3 times to marry him, before I could understand what he was saying !"
5. When President Hinckley was dedicating the Orlando Temple, he noticed that the chairs in the Celestial Room were lavender. He said, "PURPLE CHAIRS in the TEMPLE?", "PURPLE CHAIRS in the TEMPLE?"........... the temple builders, designers, were looking around uneasily, and then he said....."I LIKE IT :)" (Can't you just picture him doing that?)
6. President Monson's ability to wiggle his ears.
7. President Kimball was heavily involved in the sacred duty of missionary assignment. One Stake President had written on an Elder's application, that his mother had requested that he not be sent more than 500 miles from home, so that she might be able to visit him..... President Kimbal, without even a hint of a smile, said, "Brethren, I feel inspired that this missionary should be sent to South Africa".
8. Speaking of missionary humor, Elder Flake, who was once a missionary president, said that he had noticed on a certain missionary's bio, that he could type 35 wpm, and so this missionary was chosen to be the President's clerk/secretary. After a week or so, it became apparent that his typing skills were sorely lacking. President Flake asked him about it, and the missionary, said he better check the bio again........sure enough, it said his words per minute were 3 TO 5.....
9. Also, during President Flake's mission tenure, they had a sister missionary who was about to be sent home at the end of her mission. She had a bit of a hard mission, and many trials, which in turn became the President's trials. In the letter which was sent to her parents, there was a small "typo"......only ONE letter wrong - it said, "She gave us alot of hell".....it was supposed to say "help".
10. He also told of missionaries who had a problem with their bikes being stolen. The new mission motto was, "Locked tight or EYES locked tight on the bike". One day a couple of missionaries parked their bikes on the front lawn of an investigator, and when they went in her home, one of the missionaries positioned himself, so that he could keep an eye on their bikes. Halfway through the lesson he yelled, "Elder, your bike has just been stolen!". The Elder jumped up, ran out the door, jumped on the bike that was still there, and took off after the thief, who had a half a block on him. The thief underestimated the determination of a MAD missionary. The Elder finally caught up with him, pulled along side, and literally jumped off the bike and onto the thief, knocking the bicycle down. Thankfully a cop was nearby, and came and arrested the thief - the good part about the story?? The man had a warrant AND reward out for him, and the missionary got $200 reward money that he used to repair his bike, AND his torn suit :)
11. Be LightHEARTED - NOT LightMINDED
Part 2 - coming soon..............
The first one was taught by Lawrence Flake, and it was about HUMOR. Here are some of the notes I took.
1. Whenever President Faust blessed a baby, he always prayed for the baby to grow up with a sense of humor.
2. Elder Neal Maxwell once said, that all of the prophets he had ever known personally, had a sense of humor.
3. Elder Packer, told of the last time that Elder David B. Haight and Elder Neal Maxwell attended a meeting of the Quorum of 12 apostles. They both had walking canes, and started a "duel" with each other. He said that fortunately the brethren were able to "break it up" before any blood was shed. (TOO FUNNY)
4. Elder Neal Maxwell's wife once had this to say about Elder Maxwell, who was well known for his use of the English language: "Neal had to ask me 3 times to marry him, before I could understand what he was saying !"
5. When President Hinckley was dedicating the Orlando Temple, he noticed that the chairs in the Celestial Room were lavender. He said, "PURPLE CHAIRS in the TEMPLE?", "PURPLE CHAIRS in the TEMPLE?"........... the temple builders, designers, were looking around uneasily, and then he said....."I LIKE IT :)" (Can't you just picture him doing that?)
6. President Monson's ability to wiggle his ears.
7. President Kimball was heavily involved in the sacred duty of missionary assignment. One Stake President had written on an Elder's application, that his mother had requested that he not be sent more than 500 miles from home, so that she might be able to visit him..... President Kimbal, without even a hint of a smile, said, "Brethren, I feel inspired that this missionary should be sent to South Africa".
8. Speaking of missionary humor, Elder Flake, who was once a missionary president, said that he had noticed on a certain missionary's bio, that he could type 35 wpm, and so this missionary was chosen to be the President's clerk/secretary. After a week or so, it became apparent that his typing skills were sorely lacking. President Flake asked him about it, and the missionary, said he better check the bio again........sure enough, it said his words per minute were 3 TO 5.....
9. Also, during President Flake's mission tenure, they had a sister missionary who was about to be sent home at the end of her mission. She had a bit of a hard mission, and many trials, which in turn became the President's trials. In the letter which was sent to her parents, there was a small "typo"......only ONE letter wrong - it said, "She gave us alot of hell".....it was supposed to say "help".
10. He also told of missionaries who had a problem with their bikes being stolen. The new mission motto was, "Locked tight or EYES locked tight on the bike". One day a couple of missionaries parked their bikes on the front lawn of an investigator, and when they went in her home, one of the missionaries positioned himself, so that he could keep an eye on their bikes. Halfway through the lesson he yelled, "Elder, your bike has just been stolen!". The Elder jumped up, ran out the door, jumped on the bike that was still there, and took off after the thief, who had a half a block on him. The thief underestimated the determination of a MAD missionary. The Elder finally caught up with him, pulled along side, and literally jumped off the bike and onto the thief, knocking the bicycle down. Thankfully a cop was nearby, and came and arrested the thief - the good part about the story?? The man had a warrant AND reward out for him, and the missionary got $200 reward money that he used to repair his bike, AND his torn suit :)
11. Be LightHEARTED - NOT LightMINDED
Part 2 - coming soon..............
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Kuh Caw - Kuh Caw (emphasis on the last syllable)
As you may or may not know, Roger and I tend to have our disagreements. Rarely, if ever, do they escalate into full blown in your face arguments. We do however, get a little "testy" at times with one another. (I know - you are shaking your head in disbelief - HAHA)
The first time this happened (after Zac and CJ moved in), CJ looked at me and asked, "Should I leave the room?". She was only half kidding........ Roger and I just looked at each other and burst out laughing. Then she suggested that we ever needed them to leave the room so we could have a "discussion", that we should have a "code" word, maybe like "Kuh Caw - Kuh Caw" and she proceeded to make this bird sound. We have gotten the biggest kick out of it since then. If voices are ever raised (or even THINK about getting raised) - someone in the room, will let it fly .........."Kuh Caw - Kuh Caw". It always changes the mood, and we end up laughing.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Flattered or Freaked ?
Twice in the past 3-4 days, I've gotten a text message that just says:
"Hey"
The first time I ignored it, but I did notice the number it came from, because it is very similar to my number.
The second time it came (from the same number), I thought I'd reply, so I could set the person straight and let them know that they had a WRONG number.........
The conversation went like this:
Them: Hey
Me: Who is this?
Them: Jon, and you?
Me: Gwen, do I know you?
Jon: I don't think so, but it's nice to meet you.
Jon: That is a very pretty name.
Me: Well, I was just wondering, because this is the second time you have said "Hey", and I thought you might have the wrong number.
Jon: How old are you?
Jon: I think I do (have the wrong number), but what does getting to know someone hurt?
Me: Sorry, I'm almost 50, and you DO have the wrong number......
Jon: (no reply)
Think he'll ever say "Hey" again ? (haha)
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