December 1985 - from my journal

December 1985

3 - Mandy's perm

8 - miscarriage (mine) 

17 - Amanda's school play

19 - Dr. appt. me

28 - nails, pencil weave my hair

December 29, 1985

 Well, I didn't keep up the journal too good this past year.  But my life is changing for the better.  Things are going to get better, and my life is going to improve spiritually.    Because he has said  "If ye love me and keep my commandments, I will give you everything you want"  That's not quite it exactly, but I'll find out for sure and right it down.  I am going to read the scriptures faithfully and pray morning and night and strengthen my testimony.  I want to trust the Lord that he will take care of me, and I'll bow to his will because he knows what is best for me, more than I know myself.    I will overcome anything.  I will become a daughter that Heavenly Father can be proud of.  I am special.   I have many goals to achieve and many obstacles to overcome. But I will overcome and succeed.  I must, for the treasure is too great to lose, the price to great to pay, if I fail.  Some of my goals are as follows:

Pray morning and night, Read scriptures, Journal, Family prayer, Memorize scriptures, Family Home Evening, Sacrament meeting,  Pay tithing, Visit teach, Keep Sabbath Holy, Fast, Exercise and Eat Right.

I'll leave room for more goals, and I'll check into this page daily and keep a record. I want to be happy and feel good about my life.  I will try my best to be a good mother and wife, and love my family and stand by them and honor them and love them.  Heavenly Father loves me, and I do know if I  live right, and try hard, and obey his commandment, He will give me what I need to be happy for all the eternities.  I am learning to trust Him.  I need to trust Him, so one day He'll be able to trust me.  My life is looking up. Things are getting better.  I am happy.

December 30, 1985

I am happy  I really am.  I want to feel this way when I know I'm doing what Heavenly Father wants me to . I feel good inside, and I have much to learn and overcome, but I am optimistic I'll look on the bright side.  As someone once said, "You can only go on and do your best to live the commandments, and trust in the Lord to take care of you. And he will, because He loves you and knows you"  I believe this, I want to and need to strengthen my testimony.  I am reading Bruce R. McKonkie's "Promised Messiah"  I want to know Jesus, and know Him as my savior and redeemer.  I want to increase my faith.  You know God is no respecter of persons.  I think that means that you don't have to be a prophet or apostle to know God and see Him.  Like the brother of Jared, when he asked the Lord to touch the stones for light in the barges,  he saw the finger of God because he had so much faith. I want to do what Heavenly Father would have me do.  My problem is always keeping this on my mind  But I'm getting better at it. That scripture I wasn't sure of ?,  it is "I the Lord am bound if ye keep my commandment, but if ye keep not my commandment, ye have no promise."  And also, in the Journal of Discourses, Orson Pratt said " If ye do what is right and keep His commandments, (no good thing will be withheld)"  I pray that I can live worthy to make it to the celestial kingdom. Today was  a good day.  I went to work and Rog stayed home and watched the kids.  Amanda is on Christmas vacation.  She hasn't been feeling too good, and today Roger has been feeling down.  I think it's just a touch of the flu.  We put the Christmas tree away tonight, and kinda had a small family home evening.  I will prepare better for next week.  My job has changed in the Primary. I will no longer be teaching the Star B's.  I will be playing the piano the whole time. I will miss my class.  They are cute.  They are Melissa Mikesell, Emberlee Evans, Sara Taylor, Michael Newton, Ricky Follett and Kris Mikesell.  I'm going to take them a little treat this week since last Sunday was our last class..  Next Sunday we'll be changing to morning church at 9:00 a.m.  Tomorrow Rog is going skiing, and I will be working and the kids are going to Pam Jensen's.  Today, the 30th of December, is the 7th anniversary of our little Ambure's death.  I think about her often, and wonder what it would be like if she were still alive.  It doesn't hurt anymore.  I know she is happy and will have eternal life and exaltation.  I'm glad.  I hope to be able to raise her again someday.   I pray I can live righteously and worthily so that the Lord will give me what I want and need.

December 31, 1985

 Today was a good day.  Work went well.  I enjoy it, and the good friends I have.  Roger went skiing with Kelly (his brother) to Snowbasin. Amanda isn't feeling good.  She has a fever and sore throat and aches all over.  The flu is going around.  We ate supper at Joni and Kerry's.  The Rich family, LuAnn & Ben, Linda & Bruce, Terri and Andy (her boyfriend) were there.  We were going sleigh riding tomorrow, but plans may change.  I don't have to go to work tomorrow.  But probably will this weekend.  I feel happy and at peace.  I lost control a bit tonight with Amanda when she wouldn't take her medicine, and I find myself  prone to swear.  I catch myself and realize what I'm doing wrong.  This is good, and I can calm down and change my ways.  I truly want to be a better person and closer to Heavenly Father.  I want to live righteous enough so  I can be happy, content, and ecstatic throughout the eternities. I am praying and reading the D & C.  I hope, no, I don't hope, I KNOW I will keep this up, for I must!  I want to feel this way, (happy, content, satisfied) forever.  I can achieve my goals and become a worthy daughter of God.  I thank him daily.  I will overcome.  I will succeed. 

( I didn't mention it, but I had a miscarriage on December 8, 1985.  I had gotten pregnant in September 1985, even though I had an I.U.D. in place for birth control.  It definitely wasn't a planned pregnancy.  I miscarried, probably because of the I.U.D.)