September 1982 - from my journal

September 1982

16 - Disney on Ice

28- Zac's 1st birthday

September 6, 1982

I'm writing this in RED, so it will stand out.  Yesterday I made 3 goals.  
1. Pray faithfully EVERY morning and night.  
2. Pay a full tithing.  
3. Read the Book of Mormon.  I hope to be doing ALL of these faithfully by December 31, 1982.  

So far, I've prayed yesterday night and this morning and I'll pray tonight.  My biggest problem is forgetting   Here are some more goals.

1. Have family prayer

2. Say prayers on our meals

3. Family home evening

4. Pay budget $10.00 month, and Fast Offering $5.00 month

5. Fix good meals

6. Fall houseclean every room

7. Be PATIENT
8. Read scriptures everyday

9. Do Genealogy

10. Save money to buy a house

11. Pay all debts to bank

12. Treat Roger with love and always think eternally of him.

I hope that within a year, I have accomplished or am trying to accomplish the things listed above.   I have been so unhappy this past year, even with Zac.  I would dare say I haven't prayed 5 times.  I've got to make a turn around somewhere, sometime.  I can't keep putting it off any longer.

September 8, 1982

Well, so far the past two days have been okay.  Heavenly Father has really helped me out these past two days.  I have been more patient with the kids and I haven't snapped at Roger like I usually do.  I got 3 books at the library and they were all GOOD books. 

1. Without Reservation  (about Lamanite placement program) 

2. Outstanding, Uplifting Stories about Latter-day Saint Women 

3. I'm Angry! (a book about anger and how to control and analyze your angry feelings) 

I really hope I can keep this up.  As soon as Roger gets his check Monday, I'll ask him if he cares if we pay tithing first.  I've got to start reading the Book of Mormon.  I will read 5 pages tonight, and try to keep it up EVERY day until I finish it.  I'm going to pray tonight that I can start to lose weight.  I know that sounds dumb, but what I mean is for god to help my willpower.  I know I have to eat less and exercise.  It's just so hard to get up and 6:00 in the morning and exercise with Joni on T.V.  Roger is to work.  He left at 2:00 this afternoon, and he'll be home at 1:30 a.m. this morning (in about 4 hours)  Well, I better close for now, I've got a bunch of wash to put away.

September 10, 1982

Well, today started out so crappy!  It rained really bad starting about 5 a.m. this morning, and like a dope, I didn't roll up my car windows last night.  I was gonna drive the truck, but Rog hadn't taken the 3 wheeler or golf clubs out.  Boy, I REALLY ! blew up.  I guess it's because I've been bottling everything up inside and trying to be so patient with everybody.  Well anyway, I hope it's all out of my system.  After I apologized to Roger, everything improved.  I worked half a day today, then went up to Grandma Dickson's and she helped me cut out my psychedelic striped dress.  I finished it tonight.  I'm really proud of myself.  Sommer's birthday was 2 days ago.  Terri's is tomorrow, and Tonya's is the 15th.  We're probably going down in the morning and get presents.  In only 18 days our baby boy Zachary will be a year old.  To think!? I never wanted a boy!  Boy I sure didn't know what I'd be missing!  He is so cute.  He has VERY blonde hair and dark eyes (grey?)(no, they turned out to be PRETTY green) He already has 3 scars on his head where he's fallen.  He crawled at 5 months and walked at 9 1/2 months.  He's running all over now, and I'm probably gonna take his bottle away in the next week or two. (I nursed Zac until he got his teeh, then he started biting me and I had to quit.) 

I've been praying regularly morning and night, and I hope God will be patient with me as I struggle to improve myself.  I think I'll set some goals. One specific one to work on each week, then rotate.

Rotating goals                           Everyday goals

Genealogy                               Mealtime prayers

Baby books                             Mandy's prayers

Crocheting                               Family home evening (weekly)

Sewing                                     Scriptures!!!!

Cleaning

Picture Albums

September 11, 1982

I just finished my dress.. The hem and belt were all that were left. I never even imagined I'd be done with it by now.  Thanks to Grandma Dickson who helped me cut it out.  I love her so much, I hope she and Grandpa live 10 more years, PLUS!  She is the most GIVING women I know of.  She loves my kids and gives us so much.  She has helped me with my sewing whenever I need her.  Grandma made Zac 2 pairs of pants just this past month, and I know she's making Amanda a little dress jumper so she won't feel left out at Zac's birthday.  That's so typical of her.  Always thinking about others, and how to make them happy.  Today  after we got Roger off to work, me and the kids went to Ogden.  I turned in my S and H green stamps and I had 10 1/2 books.  I brought a catalog home pick something out.  We went to Chuck E. Cheese next door afterwards, and Amanda got a big kick out of it.  Then we went to K-mart and bought birthday presents.  Tonya and Terri got leg-warmers, Sommer a puzzle, Zac a nerf football from Amanda, and me a new purse for $4.33 on sale.  We didn't see Linda and her family because they've gone to the State Fair, but it's Terri's birthday and we'll give her her present tomorrow.  We finally went out to Lynette's and Amanda had a blast eating cake and playing with the kids.  Joni and Kerry were there also.  Lynette has been sewing for her and her kids too.  Boy, I'm beat, I better quit.

September 12, 1982

Today was Sunday and it was great!!  I was happy all day and the kids were well behaved.  I guess when I'm more patient it rubs off on them.  Last night Amanda fell asleep on the floor.  Zac was still awake and was out in the kitchen with me.  He disappeared for awhile and when I went to look for him, he was in laying flat out on top of Amanda kissing her all over her face.  It was so cute!  He is such a lovable baby.  Today while I was playing piano in Primary, Zac kept bothering me and Kendra Tucker Rees picked him up and took him out. He cried so hard he threw up all over Linda McClellan, the Primary President.  What a kid!  Amanda loves her nursery class, she is such a doll. After church I had an inservice meeting and I handed my goal sheet to Dorothy Little, so now I feel that I must work extra hard not to let myself, God, or Dorothy down.  Later tonight I also attended a fireside where Connie and Dean Haney, Chet Adam's sister and her husband, spoke about their lives.  They recently went through the temple.  It was very nice and informative. Erika came over tonight and we had a long nice talk.  We are really close now.  I asked her to promise that if Rog and I never make it to the temple, that she would raise our little Ambure in the millennium.  I've gotta exercise now.  I better end.

September 13, 1982

Today it has rained almost constantly.  Tomorrow it's suppose to be worse.  I guess summer is officially over.  Amanda and I made cookies today.  Dorothy Little called tonight because I forgot to write my name on my goal sheet.  I was embarrassed.  I don't know why I feel this way, but I guess I didn't really want her to know I wasn't praying, paying tithing, or reading the Book of Mormon.  I'm going to get a red marker at work tomorrow, so I will start reading a chapter or 5 pages a night.  Amanda and Zac were pretty good kids today.  I love them so much.  I'm fixing my new dress tonight.  I have to tighten the sleeves.  Amanda wants to draw a picture on the rest of this page.

September 14, 1982

Today I haven't been doing too good at work.  I listened to two dirty jokes, then laughed.  I swore a couple of times and got mad too.  Roger wouldn't pay tithing out of his check.  I had the check written out and everything, and he made me void it. I didn't get mad because I don't want to alienate him any further.  He says to wait until we aren't so broke to pay it.  Tomorrow we are going to the Uinta's to get wood.  Me and Rog, Linda and Bruce, Van Jeppson, and Diane and Francis Child.  I've got a roast in the oven.  I guess we are going to bed, and I'll get up in a couple of hours to turn it off.

September 15, 1982

Today was Tonya's birthday.  She's twelve years old.  She is so busy.  She takes gymnastics in Ogden 3 days a week, and plays soccer and is a cheerleader for one of the little league teams.  We gave her a pair of leg-warmers.Today we went and got wood up in the Uinta's,  Rog and I, Linda and Bruce and Van Jeppson.  I forgot to pray last night and this morning, and although I read a church book (Seeker of the Gentle Heart) I also listened to undesirable comments and jokes all day, and I wasn't very spiritual.  I'm really disappointed in myself, mentally and spiritually.  But my physical bod is improving.  I'm down to 125 pounds.  Only 10 more until a new dishwasher.  Roger had better plan on giving me one for Christmas, because I'm not gonna quit!  Heavenly Father's helping me out ALLOT!  Rog and I both work tomorrow.  Erika will tend the kids.  Tomorrow night we're going down to see "Walt Disney's World on Ice" at the Salt Palace in Salt Lake City.  Mom and Erika and Tonya and me and Amanda are going.  Rog will tend Zac.  Mrs. Terry died a couple of day ago.  She was a nice neighbor.  Everyone will miss her very much.  Better close for now.

September 18, 1982

Twelve days since I started my goals and already these past few days I've had doubts and the feeling of "What's the use?"  I know it's just the devil working on me. I bet 95% of my problem is that I forget to say my morning prayer and ask God to help me make it through the day.  Last night Rog went with some of his friends from the bakery and went to a bar.  He didn't get home until 2:00 a.m.  I went to bed. It sure is depressing.  These last few days I have so many bad feelings towards him.  Sometimes it seems SO hopeless.  I've been doing really good with my exercises.  I haven't missed a day since last Thursday.  We have all been taking medicine for pin-worms.  Only Amanda had them, but we all have to be treated.  I was sick all afternoon, like I was gonna throw up.  Rog and Amanda are asleep on the floor now, and Zac is in his bed.  I'm gonna go pray and start reading the Book of Mormon.

September 23, 1982

Today (Thursday) I stayed home from work.  Erika called last night about 10:00 p.m. and said she couldn't tend, and I didn't feel all that red hot either.  I thought I was coming down with strep throat, but I started on penicillin and I'm feeling allot better.  I found the kids a new babysitter for sure.  It's Debbie Mortenson.  She and her husband and kids live across the street from mom and dad.  We went there and visited today.  Amanda loved it.  I think she'll be really good with them.  Rog left at 10:00 p.m. for work.  I'm writing this at about midnight.  I housecleaned the kids room Monday, and rearranged it.  Zac didn't have a bottle at all today.  I'm really beat.  I guess I'll hit the sack.  I read a bit of the Book of Mormon tonight.  I'm at Lehi's and Nephi's dreams while they were in the desert.  Amanda was so cute tonight.  We love her and Zac so much.  He'll be 1 year old in 5 days.

September 28, 1982

Zac Rich at 1 year.  Zac is such a happy, nosy, rambunctious little thing.  His favorite work is MOO.  When ever he sees any animal, that is all he can say.  Zac plays by himself allot, and he can keep himself entertained.  He has the most mischievous grin.  He screws his face up and shows all his teeth.  His hair is so blonde, and he already has a bunch of scars on his face because he's always climbing and falling.  He loves to pester Amanda and tease her.  But he won't bath without her in there with him.  He still has his bottle, but he's gradually giving it up.  He especially loves his Grandpa Dickson (Lee) and Uncle Mark and cousin Darrin Frost, and Great-Grandpa Dickson (Reed).  We all love him very much.  He has a temper when he doesn't get his way, but he can be loving also.  Right now he loves his blankie.  he loves to spread it out and lay on it and it has to come out of the crib when he's done sleeping or napping. 

September 28, 1982

I've just been reading back in my journal.  I've written on this date 3 years in a row, 1980, 1981, 1982.  It's interesting to see how my feelings and thoughts have changed. I've decided that there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all the things I need and want to do.  I'm so tired every night.  I need to sew a bunch of things, and crochet a bunch, plus read the scriptures and church books and do genealogy and baby books and flanne lboard characters and this  and that and it never ends!!!

Today  Zachary is 1 year old!  He has grown so much.  This year has passed so fast.  I remember last year I wanted him to grow so fast, and I guess I still do.  I'm tired of babies and all the work it entails.  No, I shouldn't say THAT.  I love my kids, and it's hard when they are little, but I shouldn't wish mine and their lives away.  It's been said that these are the best years of my life.  Raising babies to follow Heavenly Father is hard.  Sometimes it almost seem impossible!

Zac got these things for his birthday.

Mom and Dad - keds, pants, tupperware truck

Amanda - Nerf football

Joni and Kerry - Stacking cups and rings

Grandpa and Grandma Dickson - 2 shirts

Grandpa and Grandma Rich - Hotwheels case and 3 cars and shirt

I'm beat, I guess I'll read the scriptures and go to bed!

Dear Zac,

I decided to write you a letter on your 1st birthday.  I don't know when you will ever read this.  I know you will be much older.  Maybe even not until you are a grown man. You are so precious now.  You are about 2 1/2 feet tall and about 25-30 pounds.  Your hair is blonde! blonde! blonde! It's almost white.  You love Amanda so much.  You always try to kiss her and play with her toys.  Sometimes she gets mad at you, but most of the time she calls you her "Buddy Boy"  I hope you and her will be close as you both grow up.  When you read this, you probably will have read the rest of my journal.  I have made ALLOT of mistakes and allot of my personal feeling are in this book.  I hope that you can see through my weaknesses and know that I love our Heavenly Father and this church and I want to be with you and Amanda and your big sister Ambure you never knew, and your dad FOREVER.  I know that this can only be accomplished by living the commandments and being sealed in the temple.  Everyday I pray that someday our family may be able to go through the temple and be sealed together FOREVER.  Zac I hope that I have raised you righteously and that you may go on a mission and find a girl that is worthy and both you and her can go through the temple.  I LOVE YOU - YOU ARE MY ONLY SON AT THIS TIME.  I HAVE GREAT HOPES AND EXPECTATIONS FOR YOU. Please love me as you grow older.  I know your teenage years may be hard.  Mine were TERRIBLE.  I hope you will never say that you HATE ME.  I will ALWAYS love you NO MATTER WHAT. 

Love,

Your mom - Gwen Dickson Rich (Age 21 years)