January
1986
17
- Nails done
18
- Amanda haircut
20
- Zac was sick, I took off work
January
1, 1986
Today
was a pretty fun day. We went up to
Clark's Dry Farm, and went snomobiling and sleigh riding. It wasn't too cold, but it snowed most of the
time. Rog got home at 7:30 this morning
after working all night. He slept till
about noon, then we got ready and went up to Clark's. Joni and Kerry and Megan went. Also Kelly
Rich and Kimlyn Porter (Kerry's sister).
We had 4 snowmobiles. Haven't
done much else, except wash clothes and,
bake some Rhodes bread. Back to the
grind tomorrow. Roger's last day is
Friday as far as we know. Hope he's on
the schedule for next week. Wish I
didn't have to worry about it. We need
to get started on house plans and bids.
It has to be done, but neither of us wants to think about it. Still haven't got any bids on the car. We wrecked it on Christmas. Had a head on collision with Kirk Tonks on
the one lane road above Como Springs going to Round Valley. We had come to a complete stop, and Kirk
was traveling much too fast and couldn't stop.
He slid on the icy road and slammed into us. No one was hurt. We had to hike back to Dan
and Carol Wilkinson's home to call mom and dad who were up to Grandma
Tonks'. The cop did not specify which
one of us was at fault, even though we were stopped completely when he slammed
into us. Therefore our insurance had to
pay to get our car fixed. If the
frame is bent, we'll have to total it out.
Hope so, kinda. Chevy has 7 1/8%
financing, and we could probably get into a new car pretty reasonable. I'm not as UP today as I have been. I know why.
Tomorrow morning I'll feel better.
I know for sure. I guess there
will always be down days, and as long as they don't happen too often, that's
okay. I need to try harder and not take
the Lord's name in vain when I get upset.
I hope so bad
that I can live a good life so I can get what I really want and need for all
eternity.
January
2, 1986
Tonight
I got out my personal progress journal that I got when I was teaching the young
women (Beehives) in the Milton Ward 7 years ago. It has allot of neat things in it, and I'm
going to set goals and achieve them. I
was just reading through it, and I found another important goal I need to do. Fast.
I've never ever really done this, not since I was a little girl, and
that wasn't on my own either. I want to
memorize the Articles of Faith again also.
I'm not going to write much tonight.
I've got other things on my mind.
Maybe I"ll get back to this later if I can. I do know that everyday my resolve to be a
better person and a worthy daughter of God grows stronger. Achieving eternal life and all the blessings
that come with it has never been such a strong desire in my life. I will go on and never, never, never give
up. I will have these feelings forever,
so I must take care of them and nurture them so they may grow even stronger
than they are now.
January
3, 1986
Boy
this is hard sometimes. I'm beat. It's a
good thing I read the scriptures this morning.
I got my hair lightened tonight and went grocery shopping and got a
pizza at Como with the kids. Rog is down
in Salt Lake City to the Salt Palace watching mud races or something like
that. The kids are in bed and I am
lonely. I need to perk up and not be
sad. I need to look to the future. I need to try harder.
January
5, 1986
Well,
I missed writing yesterday, but I'm gonna keep this up. You know it's hard to be UP all the
time. Today was good and bad. We started church at 9:00 a.m. this
morning. I like that, but it's harder
getting up and reading. I'm playing the
piano full time instead of teaching. I
think I'll like this. I wrote little notes
and attached treats for the kids I taught these past months in my class. I really enjoyed them. We stayed to Sacrament meeting, the kids and I. Pauline and Shane Preece blessed their baby (must
have been the 2nd girl, I can't remember her name) and Grandpa and Grandma
Dickson were there so that helped. The
kids were really pretty good. Roger was
supposed to come up and meet us, but he didn't wake up. He was still asleep when we got home. It
doesn't really matter. I ought to be
used to it. It's hard sometimes. I can really let myself get down and
depressed, but I know this isn't good for me.
I need to be optimistic and look to the future. I need to try harder to be a good
mother. Today all Mandy and Zac did was
back talk and fight, and I get so tired of it all. I'm not a super mom, sometimes I'm really
rotten. I was today. I yelled allot and I need to not criticize as
much. Especially with Amanda. What can I do, but go on, and try
harder. I love my kids, but my patience
needs a great deal of improvement. I
wish I had more time in the day, or wish that I didn't get so tried and need so
much sleep. I would read more, but I'm
lucky if I get my journal wrote in, and a few scriptures read. I need to be happier and more content. Today has been a down day for me. I hope tomorrow is better. I'll keep trying to do what is right, and live the way I should, and pray and ask
God to help me.
January
6, 1986
I
wish I had more time to do all the things I need and want to do. I want to take that "Know Your
Religion" class on Wednesday nights for 12 weeks, but it's held down in
Peterson, and I can't go down that far.
I guess I could, but it would be hard and Roger wouldn't support
me. I think I'll call Colleen Morgan and
see if she can tell me more about it.
Arlene Christensen, my boss at Browning, went last year. I feel I need to learn more about the church,
and if somebody could explain it, it would help me allot. Today went pretty good. My boss gets on my nerves and I think after
Zac gets in school, maybe even sooner, I'll try and get on at H.A.F.B. or
somewhere else. Maybe McKay-Dee. I think I'll ask Pauline Green about that
next time we visit teach her. I need to
call her and set it up. I need to try
harder to be more patient with the kids.
I also forgot to pray this morning.
But I'll keep on going and trying and improving and bettering
myself. I must. For I want to achieve eternal life and
exaltation.
January
7, 1986
Only
2 more days, and then I'll be 25 years old. A quarter of a century. It is hard, but I must work harder to improve
myself so I can reach the Celestial Kingdom.
I want this so bad. Sometimes I wonder how
it will all end up. If it really is
possible that I could live good enough to make it, or if it's an unreachable
goal. I am not strong, and it is hard
for me most of the time. But what can I
do but go on, and try harder. Before, I
have given up, and just thought there's no way I can make it ever. But I know Heavenly Father loves me and
listens when I pray to Him. And He wants
me to live so that I can come back to Him.
He really does, and when He judges me, He won't be unduly harsh, but He
will do it fair. It shouldn't be
hard. I know what is right and
wrong. I need to stop swearing. I no longer take the Lord's name in
vain. I don't lie, but I need to work
harder at keeping my thoughts clean.
Heavenly Father says no unclean thing can be in his presence, and with
some of the things I've done and said and experienced and seen, I find it hard
to believe that He could ever see me as
clean and pure. But I'm going to read
the Miracle of Forgiveness and pray and repent, I want no ghosts in my
past. I want to be morally clean. I love my family. I wish we could all have eternal life. I hope I can teach my kids the correct
principles. I have so much to learn
also. I need to teach them to pray and know Heavenly Father listens and hears and
answers their prayers. I will work on
teaching them this, this coming week. I
am happy, although our life is busy and hectic.
I know if we can get through this year the worst will be over ( I'm
referring to building the house) I want to live life good, so no good
thing will be withheld.
January
10, 1986
I
missed 2 days of writing. It's going to
get harder because Rog is back on at work and he likes to go to bed early and
bed is awful hard to resist for me. He
was layed off last Friday, but they did it wrongfully, so he filed an grievance
with the Union and the Company had their backs up to the wall so they gave him
his job back. That put his friend
Perkins to another job in Sanitation.
There were allot of hard feelings, but about 90% of the people were on
Roger's side. The right side. He was doing this (the grievance) just to get what the Company owed him. Yesterday was my birthday, and it was
nice. Everything is going to work out. My mind is full of thoughts spinning
around. I can't write them all down,
though I want to. Everything in this
life will all work out. Eternity is
forever and ever with no end. I want to
be happy. I need to live my life right
and good so I can have every good thing and nothing will be withheld. I love my family, I want to be with them
through the eternities.
January
10, 1986 - Letter from Mom in California
Dear
Gwen, Roger & kids,
Just a note to let you know that
everything is fine. The holiday season
came and went so fast, and here it is the middle of January almost. We are all back in the groove and looking
forward to our next break. Mark is through with school next
week and is planning on coming to Morgan as soon as possible (probably the end
of next week). Dad is trying to get the
Toyota fixed up with new tires, etc., so Mark can bring it to Utah. I guess we will just do with one car and hope
that things work out. It should. Mark is still doing very well in school and
just hopes that he doesn't blow his final exams next week.
Tonya has been working a little
bit, but not as much as before, thank goodness.
She is surely going to miss Mark when he leaves. She and I are in the process of making her a
quilt.. She told her Mutual teacher that
she was making one and they want her to display it for the "New
Beginnings" program in a couple of weeks (January 19). She failed to tell her teacher that she
hadn't started it yet. I think you can
guess what we will be doing this weekend.
We had an enjoyable time while
Erika was here. On Monday, December 30,
we all went to Magic Mountain for a fun day.
It was exciting but with the log ride and river run we got wet about
three times. We talked Mark into one
last ride on the river run ( or rapids) and wouldn't you know-- he ended up
getting soaked! He was a really good
sport about it. Tuesday, I drove Erika
and Tonya ( and one of Tonya's friends from school) up to Pasadena where we
worked on the elephants for the Rose Parade.
It was quite an experience and one I am glad we had the opportunity to
do. Wednesday morning we boarded the bus
in the Hughes parking lot at 6 a.m. and headed for the parade. We arrived there about 7 a.m. and found the
grandstand. It was toward the end of the
parade route, therefore the parade didn't reach us until about 9:20 a.m. We really enjoyed it, although the weather
never did really warm up. After the
parade we went home and picked up Mark and then drove to Dixie and Paul's home
for dinner. David and Angela and their
children were there. We had a delicious
dinner and nice visit. Their two
children, Paul and Erin, are sure growing up fast. It took them a little while to warm up to us,
but after that we were their best friends.
On Thursday, Dad & I
returned to work and Mark went to College.
Erika and Tonya drove up to the Hollywood/Burbank area, and after seeing
a few famous places went to the NBC Studios for a tour. Friday, after Mark returned from his classes
at college, the three of them went to the Movieland Wax Museum. We were all too tired Friday night to got to the
movies, so we just relaxed at home.
Saturday was just a lazy day. Dad did some running around, Tonya had to
work, Mark studied off and on, Erika relaxed, and I laid around and did as
little as possible as I didn't feel too good.
A touch of the flu with a little sore throat. I started to cough some
and was so afraid I would get my yearly cough, but thank goodness I'm okay
now. I stayed home from church on Sunday
while Dad, Tonya and Erika went.
Erika's plane trip was something
else. We made it to the airport in good
time but once we got there what a traffic jam.
Lee finally let Erika and me out to get her tickets while he found a
place to park. To make a long story short, her plane was to leave at 9:25 p.m.
and it left at 11:15 p.m. What a night! She called the next day and said that by the
time she had picked up her luggage and rode home that it was 3 a.m. Chris picked her up from the airport.
This week everything is back to
normal, but we sure do miss everyone. I
sure hope Grandpa gets feeling better and those darn dizzy spells go away. I know they must be a worry to him and to
Grandma, too. He has had a couple of
doctor appointments but they haven't found the cause of his problem.
I am typing this letter during
my lunch at work. I type it on the
typewriter keyboard, but it goes directly into my computer. After I am finished (and hopefully have corrected all of my errors), I print it
out using my typewriter as the printer.
It looks pretty nice doesn't it?
I have typed a couple of papers for Mark for school, which is really
helpful. Hope I don't get fired for
doing it.
I don't know yet if Hughes is
going to hire me on permanent or not.
They interviewed someone for the job (because of policies and
procedures) but she didn't work out. I
haven't heard yet what they plan to do.
The only hang up might be that I would be quitting in September. Whatever happens will be okay with me,
although I do hate to have to learn another job. The people here are really nice to work with
and it is quite handy to come to work with Dad.
I looks like we will be going to
Disneyland next week. General Motors,
who purchased Hughes, is throwing a welcoming party for all of the Hughes
employees and their immediate families.
They have reserved Disneyland for one week (evenings) and the employees
will be given tickets to get in free. I
told Dad here is his chance to finally ride on Space Mountain. He hasn't been to Disneyland since we came
out here this time.
We were so glad to hear that
Roger is working again. When Mark told
us about it, I wouldn't believe him. It
just sounded like one of his stores that he is always trying to put over on me
for a good laugh. I knew it wasn't like
Roger to make any big waves, especially like Mark was leading us to believe.
(This is probably the time that the bakery abolished Perkins job in shipping,
and they wanted him to bump Roger, and have Roger go to sanitation. This was illegal, and Rog had to have the
Union go to bat for him, to help him to
hold onto his job. It was quite
uncomfortable for awhile.)
I don't envy you with the cold
and snow back there in Utah. Yesterday,
during lunch, I went outside with one of the girls I work with. She purchased a hamburger that they were grilling
in a little refreshment area outside.
The sun was shining so beautiful and it was so nice and warm. I just seems terrible that Utah can't have
some of this lovely weather.
Guess I had better close for
now. Is Amanda feeling better, or did
you have to take her to the doctor? How
is Zac and his He Man characters getting along?
I am also writing to the Grandparents, so you will probably all know the
about the same thing. Take care of
things and especially yourselves. We
miss you all allot. Love Mom
January
12, 1986
Today
was Sunday. The kids and I walked to
church. It was so cold. Hopefully the car will be fixed
tomorrow. We even stayed for Sacrament
meeting. I'm going to stay from now
on. Errol Nelson talked on teaching your
children the gospel. It really makes me
want to try harder. There is so much
I need to teach them, and it's my
responsibility. It will be on my head if
they don't know. We need to start having
family home evening and quit watching so much TV. I love my
family. I really do. I must always put them first. I need to try harder and never, never, never
give up. I must go on!! I can't stop my feelings. The price is too great to pay, the promises and
riches too great to lose. I must do what
is right. I can't screw up. I will be
okay. I will overcome. I was reading in the church section of the
newspaper about the Beatitudes in the Bible.
Here are some that apply to me and I will memorize this week.
I
need help. I can't do it alone.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of
Heaven.
I'm
really hurting, but I'm going to bounce back.
"Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted"
I
really want to do the right thing "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst
for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied"
I've
got to let faith grow in me. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they
shall see God.
I
need help and I hurt sometimes. But I
want to be happy. I am. I need to have more faith and believe that
everything's going to work out just the way we want it to. Just the way it should. Everything's going to be alright. I'm tough.
It will be worth it. It is worth
it.
January
16, 1986
Just
a quick note this morning. We got our
car back last night. Finally. I looks great! Monday night Rog and I went to Ogden and I
got a skirt and sweater and earrings. We
ate at Berconi's and saw "White
Knights" with Mikhail Berishnikof. It
was good. Tomorrow night I'm getting my
nails done (Solar) $25.00. I'm doing
fine. Work went well yesterday. Hope today goes as good.
January
19, 1986
Mark
came home from California Friday to live with us and find work and go to Weber
State College in March. I hope he can
find work. Zac was sick last night, so I
got a baby-sitter for him while I went to church. I didn't stay to Sacrament meeting. I fixed enchiladas today with moosemeat
burger. Mark and Beth Graves (his
girlfriened) are going skiing tomorrow.
Well I better close. I'm still
praying and reading the Doctrine and Covenants and paying tithing. I need to work on family home evening
harder. It seems the TV is on all the
time. It needs to go off. We need to spend more time together as a
family. I keep thinking if we can get
through this year and get our house built it will get better. I just need to keep close to the Lord. I feel better when I do. I guess I'm a basically insecure person. I need to be reassured allot. I'm going to try so hard to live a good life
so that I can have eternal life in the Celestial Kingdom.
January
20, 1986 - Letter from Tonya in California
Dear
Gwen, Rog & kids! Hi! What's up?
Anything fun? How is it to have
Mark back? I bet you wish it was me !! ha-ha Gwen, how's work going? How are you feeling? Guess what!
I changed my hair-style again!
But, I'm going to get it cut again sometime this week! (Can you believe me?) Roger, How are you doing? Good I hope!
How's work? I haven't talked to
you since you got back on, so congrats!!
(A little late, huh? ) Well, last
but not least! Kids, how are you
doing? I hope you're both feeling
well! Mandy, how's your reading
coming? When you get another book, you'll
have to call and read it to me! Zac,
How's your chicken coming? Has it hatched
yet? HA HA Do you like your pre-school? Well, it's been hot down here lately! 88 degrees on Saturday! So, I'm trying to work on a new tan! I miss you all ! Hope you'll w/b soon! I love ya, Love, Tonya (Little Sis and Aunt,
don't forget)
January
24, 1986
Well
this week hasn't gone very well at all.
I'm glad it's almost over. It's a
good thing I can go and kneel and ask Heavenly Father to help me. A month ago I wouldn't have been able to, but
it's a real comfort to be able to now. I
want to do what is right. I want to live
my life right and do everything I should
so that I can be happy throughout the eternities. I love my family. Roger asked me last night if I really
did. I guess I've been so mixed up
inside this past week. I really do
though, and I need to show them more.
This life is hard, and the next few years until the millennium comes
will even be harder. But I am so
grateful, my eyes and heart have been opened.
I'm close to God. Closer than I
have ever been. I want to do what is
right, so no good thing will be withheld.
I know Heavenly Father loves me and wants what is best for me. I must live my life, as it IS what I have
made for myself. But things will work
out. I know they will.
January
25, 1986
Today
has been great!! I have reasoned out
allot of mixed up feelings I have had. I
feel much better. I pray Heavenly Father
knows the desires of my heart even when my feelings are in turmoil and
uncertain. I know what I must do. I will try my hardest to do
my best. I must do what is right. I must control my thoughts and feelings at
all times. I love my family and I want us to
be together through the eternities in the presence of God. I know I have made mistakes in the past, but
you learn from mistakes, and I can do nothing but go on. I am happy and loved and tired (ha-ha). I'm going to do my best and love my best and
trust Heavenly Father to take care of me, and everything will work out
fine. Mark got on at Marie Callenders.
(a restaurant- he was a busboy) He
likes it allot. Grandma Dickson invited
us out for lunch tomorrow. Roger took
Uncle Don's dog to the rabies clinic today.
I cleaned house and washed clothes, Also washed the drapes and blinds in the kids room and in the bathrooms.
Better say my prayers and hit the hay.
January
26, 1986
Today
was a very good day. I felt Heavenly
Father's Spirit in our home and in me.
We went to church and sacrament meeting.
The kids took their tithing to the Bishop. They were so proud. Roger has also started paying his tithing
without any prodding from me. I'm
glad. He has such potential, he is a
good man. I hope he can realize the
importance of the gospel in our lives. I
want him to be happy forever also. I
love my kids. I want to teach them right
and help them to know Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I just finished reading Joseph Smith's
account of the glories of all the kingdoms in heaven in D & C Section
76. It makes me want to try harder. I want to be a part of the Celestial
Kingdom. I want this for my family. I'm so glad Ambure has already attained
this. This life is challenge, but I will
go on, never ever giving up ever. I know
Heavenly Father will bless me and take care of me if I follow Him and His
teachings. I have so many blessings. I am so thankful.
January
31, 1986
Boy
this week has gone by fast. It seems I
have no time for the things I want to do.
I wish every day was 30 hours long and all I needed to sleep were 4-5
hours. Maybe then I could juggle working
and housework and being a mom a and wife and having time to myself. I seem so tired all the time. By 6 or 7 at night, I'm ready for bed and I
can't drag myself out at 5:00 a.m. I
think I need more exercise. Starting
Monday, I'm going to get with it. I need
to lose 10 pounds. I am content and
happy. I love my family. I want to live right and teach my children
about God and the gospel so they can be happy for eternity. I need to try harder. I want to be a daughter that Heavenly Father
can be proud of. I need to watch my
temper and have patience. I need to
spend more time with the kids, instead of letting the TV be baby-sitter. I need to be unselfish with my time and give
to my children.
