August 1988 - from my journal

August 1, 1988

What a bummer of a day.  My stitches are oozing again after 2 weeks of nothing.  In one place it broke open, what a pain.  Guess I'll call the doctor in the morning.  The kids fought most of the day and Rog slept.  Our relationship is going downhill.  I think he doesn't care about me.  He doesn't like to be around me.  He either sleeps or works or goes for a ride!!  As usual as 2 1/2 years ago.  It's like it used to be.  How depressing.  The love will slowly atrophy and die.  Landon cried allot tonight and that didn't help either.  Of course I'm not doing what I should either.  Reading or praying sincerely.  Although our family prayer has improved a little.  How much longer will I be depressed?  Maybe it's the baby blues.  I'm so overweight.    Grandpa Tonks' birthday is today.  He is 81 years old.  Got Landon's pictures back.  Snapshots.  We are so broke, but I don't want to work!!?!  What to do !!?  I would let them repossess the stupid Suzuki, but I hate to ruin our credit.  Maybe I'll call Stan Nielson at Morgan Bank and ask him. We need to get the propane in, and Dad wants to do our front porch (ha!!)  What a joke!!  MONEY MONEY  I hate it. So poor. In over our heads.  Rog and I can't talk at all!!! All we do is blame and hurt each other.  I'm so sad.  I want Landon to grow up happy so bad.  HELP!!!

August 3, 1988

Well, it was better today.  Amanda was in the Fall Fair Show last night.  She placed 3rd in fitting and show, and 2nd in walk and trot.  The judge was really hard.  That compares to 1st in fitting and show and 2nd in walk and trot at the Spring Show.  She is gonna show Reb and Windy Queen (Uncle Don's horse) at the Open Horse Show on Saturday.  It rained a little today.  First all summer.  We're going on vacation Monday, up to Idaho Falls, and we'll stay with Lynette and Randy one night, and then on to Yellowstone Park and Jackson Hole.  Then back to Lynette's,  then to Lava Hot Springs, Bear Lake, and then home.  Hope all goes well.  Got a busy day tomorrow.  We will be entering produce from Dad's garden, and the kid's rabbits, and Grandpa Dickson wants us to enter his 3 pullets.  Also, register the horses for the Saturday horse show.  Sherrie Rich brought Landon up a little sailor suit tonight and visited.  I also visited with Annette today, and Grandma and Grandpa Dickson this afternoon.  I need to get to Ogden before we go on vacation.  I guess I'll go back to work either the week the kids start school, or the next week.  I hate to, Claudia will be good, I hope!  My stitches are worse, this big (about as big as 3 bee-bee's) , and you can see the undissolved stitches in there.  I'm calling Landon's doctor again to ask about the thrush and ampicillin.

August 4, 1988 (postcard from Erika)
Dear Family, What ya doing?  I am sitting here on my dinner break trying to get cool!  It is SO hot and humid back here 100 degrees +.  My luggage finally made it here to Nauvoo!  The Price's got here yesterday.  It was great to see them.  The Larsen's are great!  Well, see ya in 1 1/2 weeks!   Erika

(Approximately August 1988 - postcard from Mark)

Dear Amanda, Thanks for the letter.  I really enjoyed it.  You are getting so smart and old, almost an adult!  You use so many big words, that even I didn't understand!!  That means you are smarter than nearly everyone in the whole world!  How is school?  I thought you'd like this Japanese lady (picture on postcard) with her pretty hair and dress.  I will take some pictures of some real live people and send them to you, okay!!!  You are a real nice niece to have, and I can't wait to see you next summer!  Keep doing your best in school, and take care of your family!  Buy!  Love Mark

August 11, 1988

Well we got back today from a fun filled vacation.  We, Rog, Myself, Amanda, Zac and Landon went up to Idaho Falls on Sunday, August 7th, and stayed with Randy and Lynette and family.  Then Monday morning we got up and went to Yellowstone Park.  We spent most of the day seeing the sights there, then went into Jackson Hole Wyoming and spent the night in a cute little log cabin. (Wagon Wheel Motel)   Tuesday we had fun looking around Jackson and riding the Alpine slide and ski-lift.  We left for Lynette's again that night and stayed with her Tuesday night.  Then left for Lava Hot Springs Wednesday morning.  Had a fun day there and stayed that night at Oregon Trail Motel in Lava.  Went to Bear Lake Thursday (today) and Minnetonka Caves.  Got home about 5 p.m. tonight.  We had a great time.  Landon was great, the kids were great.  It helped by having family prayer each day.  We learned of Sally Little's baby girl's death upon arriving home.  I am so sad for her.  I spoke to her only last Thursday, Friday and Saturday at the fair.  Her baby, Lauri Ann Little, was still born, Monday August 8, 1988.  I feel so bad for Sally and know of  her pain.  I wish there was someway I could take it from her.  I can't imagine not having and holding our little Landon.  I pray for his safety everyday.  He means so much to me.  I am dreading going back to work. Only 1-2 more weeks of freedom.  We are so broke, and need the money badly, but I don't want to leave him.  Rog and I seem miles apart sometimes.  I feel like he doesn't truly love me, nor I him I guess.  Going through the temple was a mistake for us.  Don't get me wrong,  I want our kids forever, but Rog doesn't seem to care or take it seriously.  I can talk till I'm blue, but he just goes on.  We're not right for each other.  It'll never change.  I just hope we can hold together until our kids are raised.

August 13, 1988

Well, things are not so bad today.  I don't know why it seems brighter or sadder from one day to the next.  I guess asking Heavenly Father to comfort me helps allot.  Mark has been on his mission for 1 year, yesterday.  Can't hardly believe the time passes so quickly.  School starts in 8 days on August 22nd.  Amanda will be in 3rd grade, and Zac in 1st.  Claudia Nelson will watch Landon.  I go back to work August 23rd.  Hope all goes well. Rog is looking for a part-time job, and I sent away for information on an article I read about.  Grandma and Grandpa Tonks brought Stormy up to play last night from 7:30 to 9 p.m.  I'm gonna walk up to Grandma Dickson's today and visit with them.  Rog has to go back to work tonight.  He's helping Uncle Don now, down in the field.  Uncle Don seems to be getting older, weaker, and looking worse all the time.  I hope he doesn't die for a long while.  We all love him so.  He is so good to us.  Roger would be lost without him. (Uncle Don lived until February 1993) Very windy today.  Landon has been really fussy.  Went over to moms for awhile.  They are doing corn.  A fire is burning up on the Sow's back.  Lightening started it.

August 15, 1988

Well, I guess I'll be going back to work sooner that I thought.  BOE's are Wednesday, the 17th from 5:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., and Monday the 22nd from 12:30 to 5:00 p.m. and the 24th from 4:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.  I need to be there because I'm the only one who knows what is going on.  They are doing it differently this year.  The Commissioners are sitting in on it, all of it I should say.  They are leaving Paul (the Assessor) out of it, which I think is wrong.  He is the one who knows the most about it and can make good decisions.  I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and WIC the day after.  Got to finish school shopping. (with what?)  Going to be doing some charging, which I hate to do.  Exercised this morning.  What a joke.  I am so outta shape it's not even funny.  It has been cooler today, and last night I didn't bath Landon, because I thought it was too cold.  His little hands and feet have been cold also, so I put an undershirt and socks on him, and on his hands too, and a cap on his head.  He's been awake and fussy much of today.  It's 1:15 p.m.  I hope all goes well at the baby-sitter.  Claudia is watching (4) 2-year olds besides Landon.  I hope she can give him all the attention he needs.  He has needed allot today.  Maybe I do spoil him.

August 17, 1988

Went to work today for a little while.  It's Board of Equalization.  It wasn't too bad at all.   Although through the day I was really onry and Landon was a pill!  But last night he was so sweet.  Also, Roger and the kids watched him so that was good too.  Our propane tank is in, and Chris (The guy who helps us with our heating system) is coming up Saturday to tell Rog and Dad how to plumb it.  Dad is working on our front porch.  We don't have any money for that, but he's going ahead anyway.  We owe them allot for all they do for us.  I went to WIC, and don't qualify any more.  We make too much money $87.00 too much.  We could only make $2,099 per month to qualify, and we make $2,186)  Went to the doctor Tuesday.  All through.  Weigh 164 pounds.  Baby beef!  Exercised this morning, got to keep it up.  Kids start school in 3 more days. (Monday)  Excited to see who they get for teachers.  Hope Zac gets Mrs. Judd, same as Amanda had.  (He didn't, he got Mrs. Spendlove, and it was a heck of a year)

August 20, 1988

Rog went to a Union meeting this morning.  Got a good contract.  He is also working on the propane tank and pipe.  Mom and Dad are helping Erika and Dawna move.  Landon is so sweet.  He is smiling quite a bit now.  He loves to lay on his back flat on the bar or table.  Looks like rain today.  It's overcast.  Fall is coming.  Hope we have a HARD winter.  I'm happy.  Reading the Book of Mormon everyday.

August 21, 1988

Everyone's to bed except me and Landon.  He's wide awake.  It's 9:30 p.m.  Landon's almost 7 weeks old, and he's really becoming more aware.  You can coax a smile pretty easy now.  When he's in the mood.  Also, he's holding his head up quite well.  Sometimes he needs his binkie allot.   He can't roll yet.  He sleeps 6-7 hours a night, wakes up about 4 a.m. and goes back till about 7 a.m.  Aunt Barbara gave him 3 cute layette outfits from Shepherd's.  My milk isn't holding up too well lately.  I need to drink more, and eat less.  I'm eating everything in sight and more.  Tomorrow is school.  Can't believe it's here.  The kids sure are excited.  Hope they get good teachers.  Well, Landon's getting anxious.

August 23, 1988

I'm writing this in the living room.  Landon fell off the kitchen counter tonight.  Sure scared us all.  Especially me.  I feel so responsible.  I am.  Needless to say, he will not be left alone on the counter anymore.  He'll have to get used to his infant seat, or put on the floor.  Luckily? He lit feet first, then his head banged back.  He cried pretty hard for a few seconds. 20-30.  Then calmed down.  Oh, I felt, (feel) so bad.  He's sleeping with me tonight.  I'm supposed to watch for vomiting, unequal dilation of the eyes,  excessive sleeping and crying.  Hope he's okay.  I'm pretty sure he will be.  I sure prayed to Heavenly Father.  I will pray again.  The propane is all hooked up.  Dad almost has all the forms finished for the front porch.  He sure has worked hard, and we really appreciate it.  Erika is back from New York and Nauvoo.  She had a great time.  Brought me a lovely marble figurine of one of the Relief Society statues.  "Joyful Moment"  It shows a mother playing with her children.  She also brought Amanda and Zac  two t-shirts each. One says Hill Cumorah Pageant 1988, and the other, The City Of Joseph.  Amanda got Mr. Fowles for her 3rd grade teacher.  Zac got Mrs. Spendlove.  The first day was great, but today they both said their teachers were mean!  Hope things improve. Claudia is watching Landon.  So far so good.  I hope this little one is okay.  He's sleeping so peacefully here in my arms. I love him so much.  I am so blessed with so many blessings.

August 25, 1988

I'm sitting her on the floor in the boys bedroom.  Landon is being a night owl.  He is all better from his fall.  Thank Goodness.  I am so blessed.  Heavenly Father is so good to us.  I went up to Grandma Dickson's today and had a good visit.  She told me about her mom and dad, Ann Eliza Peterson Porter, and Sanford Orin Porter.  They were both from Morgan, but when they married, they moved to Lyman Wyoming to homestead.  They moved back to Morgan when Grandma was 6 years old to take care of Ann Eliza's mom and dad.  Metta Margaret Peterson and Baltazar Peterson.  Grandma (Anona) says Metta was kinda onry.  They lived in a red brick 2 story home where Faun White rents a home now.  The 2- story one that they lived in was torn down.  Grandma says that when she was 13, her mom had Wanda.  And that day when she "took sick", she told Grandma, "Well, I guess we're going to get a baby!"  Grandma says she told her mom that she had known for a long time that she was pregnant.  Her mom was so embarrassed.  Things like that weren't talked about in those days.  Grandma and her 3 brothers, Kenneth, Golden, and Russell were born in Lyman, Wyoming.  Except one of the boys wasn't, and I can't remember which.  The order of their births were, Kenneth, Anona (grandma), Golden, Russell, and Wanda.  Kenneth and Golden are dead.  Grandma used to play the piano when she was a girl.  She's a great lady.  I love her allot.  She worries too much though.  My dad is getting just like her.  I guess I will too.  I love Grandma Dickson allot.  She takes good care of us.  She has given us so much food (dinners) over the years and money.  Although I don't like to take the money, she insists.  My kids wouldn't have school clothes if it weren't for her this year.  I want to get some photo albums and take up and get all her photos in order with names on them.  Well, Landon's finally asleep I think.  He has become such a night owl lately.  Zac has started soccer.  He's on Debbya Wilkinson's team.  They won 6 to 1 Wednesday night.  He brought home his first super book today from 1st grade.

August 30, 1988

Roger is coaching Zac's soccer team at practice tonight.  Amanda is at a surprise birthday party at Jennifer Jensen's.  She also had 2 other parties last Friday.  Landon is asleep.  He was such an angel last night.  Slept from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.  I could hardly believe it.  I like working 3 hours in the morning.  I wish I could do that all the time.  These whole days are gonna kill me.  Mom gave me a perm last night.  It turned out good.  Chris Johnson is gonna cut it tomorrow.  Rog got the wood he got last Saturday partly cut up today.  Dad is working on plumbing our boiler.  Verl Mecham still needs to get the dirt in front of our house  dug out so we can pour  the front porch.  Watched a great movie last night.  "Suspect", starring Dennis Quaid and Cher.  My calling in the Primary has changed!  They want me to play the piano instead of lead the music, Hurray!!  I like primary.  I guess my attitude was just bad after I had Landon.  I sent away for that book that tells how to make money reading books. Maybe I can make $25,000 a year, HA!  Well, we'll wait and see.  We are blessing Landon on September 4, 1988, (Sunday)  My dad will do it.  Roger is too frightened to get up in front of everyone in Sacrament meeting.  Mark is doing great on his mission.  Things are strained between Roger and the Rich's.  He feels so left out.  We both do sometimes.  I guess that's life!